Festivus For the Rest of Us: My Twelve Rants of Christmas

With this piece, my 2026 column year is over. I hope you have a great Festivus, Christmas, Hanukkah, or New Year’s!!!!!

*****When I look back on my career, one of my greatest failures has been paying it forward or assuming folks would take care of me on the backside. From the countless people who I helped with their careers, but who didn’t lift a finger when I needed a boost to Buckeye Institute board members who promised me a bonus after I took a sizable paycut if I erased the debt I inherited from my predecessor, but reneged after I did, so departed leaving them with over $200,000 in the bank, as well as the thousands of Ohioans who got a free signed copy of my second book in 2012 with the deal to buy a copy for someone else (all proceeds went to the Reagan Library), but who then never did—not one, I too often found myself left holding an empty bag. I look at the analytics on every column, so I see who forwards my columns each week. I’ve known some free subscribers for over fifteen years who haven’t once contributed to either Opportunity Ohio or paid for this column. Others who have asked me for insights and data, yet couldn’t muster a few bucks to support my broader work. I know politicians who read my columns and use our one-pagers, but could never manage to chip in to cover our costs. What do folks think—I just walk back to the money tree in my backyard to pluck a few finskies? These same folks routinely donate to politicians who do nothing for them or Ohio, big name think tanks who grew to be fat and ineffective, and national groups with leaders just grifting off Main Street Ohio with grandiose promises that will never happen.

It costs real money to run Opportunity Ohio—from paying for the work done by Mary, John, and me to covering our accountant and website fees, as well as other costs. We pride ourselves on running lean and mean, so as to give our donors the biggest bang for their bucks. Thus, I’ve decided that starting in 2026 this column will be limited to paid subscribers and donors to Opportunity Ohio. After many years of hoping folks would appreciate the value of my writings by either buying a Patriot Mind subscription ($80/year for roughly 100 columns/year) or donating to Opportunity Ohio (any amount frankly), the hard truth has hit me square in the head one last time when not one reader took me up on my December 11th offer to match a donation to Opportunity Ohio. Not one. I cannot in good conscience continue to allow freeloaders to ride on the backs of those who do subscribe or donate, thereby making it possible for me to write these columns and do our broader work. If you find value in my writing, then do the right thing by buying a paid subscription or donating to Opportunity Ohio. For those who don’t, have a great 2026 and don’t let the paywall hit you on the way out:-)

P.S. If you are on fixed income with little to spare, just send me a note (mayer4governor@gmail.com) letting me know and I’ll comp you a subscription. Of course, all Opportunity Ohio work will remain accessible on its website.*****

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With Christmas upon us and the New Year just around the corner, I thought it fitting to end my year of columns celebrating Festivus, the holiday for the rest of us (thank you, Jerry Seinfeld). Here are my grievances:-)

(1) Drive the Speed Limit and Make Turns Faster: I don’t care what road you are on or what the posted speed limit is, just drive it. Whatever it is. One of the curses of living in Dublin is that the speed limit on virtually every road is 35MPH, but on Dublin Road, which leads to my neighborhood, it is 45MPH. For some reason, far too many Dubliners cannot make the visual adjustment when on Dublin Road to simply drive ten miles per hour faster, so I am tortured on a daily basis by Dubliners driving 35MPH on a 45MPH road. I’m not asking anyone to speed. Just drive as fast as the sign in front of you says to drive (and there are four signs before reaching my neighborhood).

Similarly, when turning off a road, you can do so safely at up to 20MPH. Really, you can. Nothing is more fraught than traveling 45MPH and seeing someone turning off the road who believes modern car technology forces them to turn at 5MPH, which means those of us traveling at 45MPH must slam on our brakes when the expected natural turn does not happen. People, just turn at anywhere between 10MPH-20MPH. And, Dublin, adjust the speed limits so there are consistent speeds—four lane Muirfield Drive should be 45MPH if two-lane Dublin Road is 45MPH. In fact, most roads in Dublin could be safely bumped up to 45MPH.

(2) Hold Doors Open for Others: When you enter or exit a public space, please quickly look behind you to see if someone is coming for whom you should hold the door open. Nothing is ruder than people who barge through doors without looking so that the door slams back on someone coming right behind them. When this happens to me, I always slam my hand on the door then make a sound as if the door hit me in the head. Invariably, the rude person turns to see given the noise and realizes they were being a jerk. Don’t be a jerk.

(3) Don’t Cut Other Off When Driving: If you need to enter the flow of traffic, then do so in a manner that doesn’t require a person coming up on you to use their brakes; otherwise, wait until you get the space you need. It is fairly selfish to cut into traffic only to slowly ramp up to speed so that those coming behind you must use their brakes lest they rear end you.

(4) There Is a Special Place in Hell for Those Who Use Handicap Services Who Aren’t Actually Handicapped: What has the world come to when people use services they are not entitled to use? We first saw this trend down at Disney when out-of-towners would hire local handicap people for the day to use the disabled line for rides (before FAST PASS became a thing). Then, we saw the mass proliferation of people using handicapped placards to park in handicap parking spaces only to get out of their cars and walk as strongly as I walk into the building. Now, people are using wheelchairs at airports so they and their entire family can board before anyone else. This trend started at Southwest due to how it boards airplanes, but has spread to all the airlines. When my lovely lady friend and I flew to London in October, I counted over thirty wheelchairs in the boarding area, with some accompanying families reaching five members. Now, I partially blame the airlines for allowing ALL family members to board instead of just one to assist the alleged handicap person, as well as allowing those using the service to bring a full suitcase on board—one guy nearly fell over trying to use his cane and move his suitcase. These two elements incented the abuse we are now seeing everywhere. As in the article below, not surprisingly upon arriving in London only three of those people who used wheelchairs in America needed them in London. The magic of modern air travel indeed.

(5) If Someone Has a Name Tag On, Use Their Name: My kids think I’m the “weirdest dad ever” because I religiously use people’s names when they wear a name tag. I believe that if someone has a name on shirt, we should use it. It personalizes our interaction when I acknowledge they are more than just my server. Over the years, I’ve developed relationships with the various people I see regularly at the spots I frequent—Kroger, Panera, Post Office, etc.. We both smile when we see each other. I figure they likely deal with snotty people throughout the day, so my little act of kindness lets them know that not all people are entitled brats.

(6) Don’t Be Rude to Customer Service People: I get it. We are all sick and tired of bad customer service and, worse, either AI responders or responders from other countries who are hard to understand. Just keep in mind, they are likely working for low wages just trying to do their jobs. They aren’t the problem that generated your call. When I know I’ve reached my wits end, I always start a call by apologizing in advance if my tone gets rough acknowledging that they aren’t the problem. It usually helps. As they say, you can attract more bees using sugar than vinegar.

(7) Being a Good Person Requires Implementing in Real Life What You Hear and Read at Church: We’ve all known Bible-thumpers who go to church regularly, read the Bible daily, and engage in other religious acts, yet live less than moral, decent lives. They lie, cheat, covet what others have, and commit adultery. Being a good person actually requires that you live as you preach or are preached to. Jesus died on the cross to forgive our sins. Forgiveness was THE cornerstone of his life. If you walk through life refusing to forgive those who’ve done you wrong while claiming to be Jesus’ follower, you are missing the forest for the trees. I’m not the most religious man, but I work very hard to be a good man. I wish more people spent more time trying to be good than claiming to be so because they show up at church each week. I think God would prefer more empty pews if that meant more good people.

(8) Don’t Abuse Power If You Have It: I call this the “Life Guard Syndrome” after a guy from my childhood. In high school, the guy was a lifeguard. It was the first time he ever really had power, so he did what so many do when given power for the first time: he abused it. You so much as splashed more than he liked or walked too fast and you’d be sitting out of the pool by his chair for fifteen minutes. We always knew where he was sitting guard, as there would be large numbers of boys sitting out near him (always boys by the way…). He had the whistle and by God he was going to use it. Don’t be a Life Guard Syndrome guy or gal. As Cicero said, with great power comes great responsibility. I’d add: even small power comes with great responsibility. I’ve seen too many people wield power recklessly—from coaches to politicians, from teachers to parents. If you have power, use it judiciously.

(9) Pick Up Your Dog’s Poop: If you want to own a dog, then do all the is required. If I wanted to pick up dog poop, then I’d have a dog for which I’d do that. C’mon, people, don’t be asshats. Thankfully, a Ring camera does wonders to get people to clean up their messes.

(10) The Jones’ Family Killed the Dallas Cowboys: The Dallas Cowboys are celebrating their sixty-sixth year this year. Over the first thirty-six years, they appeared in eight Super Bowls, winning five, as well as sixteen NFC Championship games. The last time the Cowboys played in the NFC Championship and Super Bowl was in 1996 when they won both games. In the thirty years since those games, the Cowboys have not made it back to the NFC Championship or, obviously, the Super Bowl. Jerry Jones acquired the Cowboys in 1989. He hired Jimmy Johnson to coach the team. In just four years, Johnson turned around the franchise, winning back-to-back Super Bowls (1993 and 1994). Because of Jones’ micromanagement, Johnson left and was replaced by Barry Switzer. The team that Johnson built lost the NFC Championship in 1995 to the Super Bowl winning San Francisco 49ers led by Steve Young and Jerry Rice then won the Super Bowl for the last time in 1996. Since Johnson left, Jones has run through eight different coaches, including Super Bowl winners Bill Parcells and Mike McCarthy.

I just finished the Netflix limited series, “America’s Team: the Gambler and His Cowboys,” If you like sports, you should watch it. It is riveting! As a lifelong Cowboys fan, it was great to walk through the 1970s and 1980s bringing back so many memories I had long forgotten. It seems like yesterday when ten-year-old Matt watched Joe Montana throw over Ed “Too Tall” Jones to Dwight Clark who made “The Catch” in the end zone over Everson Walls to win the NCF Championship in 1982 (no one remembers Walls had picked off Montana twice already in that game). I vividly remember sitting on the stairs of my house crying my heart out and vowing to hate the 49ers for the rest of my life. The back-to-back Super Bowl years occurred when I was in college living with my housemate who was a diehard Buffalo Bills fan, so reliving those years was special to me (the picture above was left on his door the day of the game). After watching all eight episodes, I came to two overarching conclusions: (a) Jerry Jones has ruined the Cowboys due to his management style and nepotism with his kids and the best thing for the Cowboys would be if the Jones Family sold the Cowboys to someone else and (b) Jerry Jones made the NFL what it is today and he would have been an amazing Commissioner. Sadly, the Jones Family won’t sell the team in my lifetime, so I wonder how long we Cowboys fans will have to suffer before we break the thirty years and counting Jones Family curse.

(11) Cities Should Add Right Turn Lanes On All Roads: When I taught my kids to drive, I always told them when going straight on a two-lane road in which the right lane had turns without right turn lanes that they should stay in the left lane so a red light didn’t result in them stopping people who wanted to turn from turning. Why cities made roads without right turn lanes is beyond me, as it just annoys people. Dublin did a big intersection rebuild on 161 and Franz Road, but failed to add a right turn lane on 161 headed West, so that anyone wanting to turn right at the light is now held up if someone is going straight to get on I-270. Such omissions are everywhere. On Dublin Road, there are left/right turn lanes randomly for some neighborhood entrances, but not for others. Giving the speed limit, it creates dangerous conditions. If Dublin isn’t ever going to widen Dublin Road given the heavy traffic on it, at least it should add turn lanes where they are currently lacking.

(12) Cops Need to Enforce the Ban on Dark Window Tinting: An unenforced law is not a law. It is merely political preening by politicians. I can’t tell you the number of cars I see driving around with tinted windows that cannot be seen through at all. Beyond being dangerous for law enforcement officers when approaching a vehicle, these darkened windows prevent folks from being able to see what is coming when backing out of parking lots, which results in fender benders and road rage incidents. This problem is exacerbated in the era of big SUVs. I wish cops would walk around parking lots of grocery stores, malls, Big Box stores, concerts, and sporting events issuing expensive tickets to every vehicle that contained tinted windows in violation of the law. Any dealership that tints windows past what the law allows should be fined. I now back into parking spaces, which irritates some who have to wait while I do it, so I can see what is coming as I pull out.

With that, my 2026 column year is over. I hope you have a great Festivus, Christmas, Hannukah, and New Year’s!!!!!